Saturday, January 24, 2015

The Serenity Prayer


The definition of Serenity is "the state of being calm, peaceful and untroubled."

I cannot change how others treat me. I cannot change how other people feel about me or what their opinion of me is. I cannot change their actions, motives, thoughts, feelings, measures of success or how they define love.

I can change how I react. I can change how I feel about others and how I treat others. I can change how I treat myself and how I show love. I can change my motives and thoughts which will change my feelings. I can change my opinion. I can change my words.

Wisdom will come. Don't react, wait for the wisdom.

Thursday, January 22, 2015

Happy Birthday Julia

Happy 10th Birthday Julia.

Ten years, ten years have gone so fast. You have changed so much but also very much remained the same sweet girl you always were. You were born January 12, 2005 during the middle of an ice storm. Your birth was calm and quiet. Much like you are. I devoured you as a baby. You didn't spend a lot of time out of my arms. Your smile spread across your whole face. You loved to sleep and sit quietly.

You have grown to be a peacekeeper between your two sisters. You love deeply, but only allow a few people into your heart. Those people will remain there forever. You feel deeply but don't say a lot. You quietly deal with things. You are extremely funny and clever and make me smile everyday. I love that you are speaking up more and are confident in who you are.

You love art. You love your friends. You love movies. You love to be in the midst of the chaos but left alone. You love basketball. You love your new IPod. You love your family and your dogs. You love camping and Aruba.

You hate music. You hate potatoes.

I am so thankful to have you in my life Julia Brynn. You give love daily. I am proud of you and the amazing girl that you are. My world is better everyday because you are in it.

I can't wait to watch you grow and shine during the next 10 years. These will be some of the best years of your life and I want to soak them all in. Soak you all in. The next 10 years together are going to be great.

I know I'll read this post when you turn 20 and be amazed at all that happened in 10 years. You will be off at college, traveling the world, keeping Rylie in line and be so full of life. I'll be taking advantage of every visit, every phone call, still soaking you all in.

Here's to you Julia. My amazing, unique, wise, witty, smart, loving daughter. I love you.

Friday, January 16, 2015


I am doing a random post today because nothing is coming forefront to my mind to write about. I have read a lot of other posts lately about creating time to do the things that you love. Also to use January and its solitude and darkness to look within at your goals and dreams. I am working on both and it has left my mind somewhat overloaded. I did however get up at 5:30am which is a miracle to write and pray. This is my new approach at creating time.

Goals and dreams are swirling in my head and when they are a bit more concrete I'll do some writing about those.


This week Julia turned 10. She is am amazing, sweet and wonderful child. I am blessed to be her mom. She is loved dearly by her family. More on this later!

This week also marked the one year anniversary of my pepere's passing. I had the opportunity to watch some home movies last month of my grandparents and see a side of them I had never seen. It was wonderful to watch my grandfather playing as a adult. He was acting goofy and it was such a surprise to me, as a kid I never saw this side.

Basketball is in full swing. Keeping up with their schedules and running the kids around has left me a bit behind in life. I love watching them play though. Their determination and love for the game is worth all the time spent. Julia is humble, she does great but doesn't make a big deal about it. Rylie is super competitive and wants to be the best. Her mood depends a lot of how well she is doing. Caitlin likes the social aspect of the game and being on a team sport.

The kids are fighting so much it makes me want to tear my hair out. Something needs to change. The constant noise of them arguing is making me an angry mother.

I am working hard on eating mindfully. This is both difficult and surprising. Surprising on how much I was eating before without even knowing it or taking the time to enjoy and taste it. This is something I need to set an example on for my girls. A life long skill.

Its Friday morning, I have the day off, the house is quiet and I am drinking a cup of coffee. Doesn't get much better than this.

Off to enjoy the last few minutes of quiet. This weekend tell someone how pleased you are with them. Build someone up. Drop a few coins in their well.

Friday, January 9, 2015


Snow twirls through the air as the wind blows
Heavy branches fight to move with the wind
Birds sing softly while hiding in the trees
Silence surrounds me

I walk forward, the ground crunches
Cloudy skies all around me
A gust of wind chills my face
I breathe in the cool, dry air

The house is alive with lights
Hot chili simmers on the stove
Kids run restless burning off their energy inside
Dogs nap, curled up tight keeping warm

Candles burn throughout the house
Christmas lights hang in the window
Bedrooms call to us with their warm flannel sheets
Fire burns hot in the wood stove

We wake in the dark, cold bedrooms, cold noses
The world wakes slowly, peacefully
A storm is approaching, birds are quickly gathering
A few flakes start falling, the world awaits the fresh snow

Friday, December 26, 2014

Christmas 2014

This year I decided I am going to look at all that I did do throughout the Christmas season, not just look at all that never got checked off the list.
So here is my list of Dos. The wonderful things we were blessed to be able to do this Christmas.
The Nutcracker Ballet with my girls, my sister and her kids and my mom.
Staying overnight at my mems, watching old home movies and taking home armfuls of treasures from my mem's life.
Going on the Polar Express with my kids, their friends and my friend.
Taking my gram to a Christmas Concert.
Building a snowman with Caitlin.
Seeing Julia perform in her Christmas Concert.
Making gingerbread houses with the girls and for the first time enjoying doing it.
Christmas Eve church services with the extra bonus of candle light.
Watching my favorite Christmas Movies.
Many many hours singing Christmas songs.
Delivering gifts to friends.
Mailing early Christmas gifts to nieces and nephews.
Walking around town looking at Christmas Lights with Caitlin.
Taking Julia to see the movie Annie.
Candle light dinner Christmas night.
New Christmas books for the girls before Christmas.
Making cookies for old people.
Surprising my mem with decorating her house for Christmas.
Surprising a friend with a gift.

There were things forgotten, things I screwed up on and I defiantly lacked in the gift department for my own kids this year. This Christmas was more about experiences, so some time needed to be taken away from something and this year it was in the thought and preparation of the gifts for my kids. They still got gifts of course. Santa came and blessed them with more than any child needs. But my thought wasn't in it this year. I let the tradition of Santa leaving PJ's under their pillow slide this year and instantly regretted that Christmas morning when they were all looking for them. A tradition I mis-judged as unimportant to my kids was greatly missed. So similar to life there were some regrets this Christmas, but far more wonderful blessings that I choose to focus my attention on.

Christmas bring a rush of emotions for me. Each year Chris and the girls set off Christmas Eve day delivering baked goodies to some older people we know. I choose each year to stay home during this time. I like that the girls have one Christmas tradition with just their dad. But also I like to be able to have this quiet time at home. Before the rush of the night and Christmas Day. I like to just sit and feel all that is swirling around me. I often feel both incredibly grateful and humbled at all I am blessed with, and deep empathy for the people that hurt during the holidays. The holidays seem to escalate feelings. Feelings of being blessed, along with feelings of pain, fear, loneliness, and grief. I know for many this holiday hurts. So I like to take time to feel the gratefulness and then also the hurt others feel and pray my prayers of gratitude and blessings for those hurting.

We are on holiday for another 10 days and have plans for more Christmas celebrations. I recently read that people used to celebrate the 12 days of Christmas starting Christmas day. That means after today I have 10 more days of Christmas. We are going to work hard on soaking up this holiday.
Take the time to spread some Christmas light this season.

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Doing the breast stroke

For the last several years I have been treading water. Treading water in life, work, marriage, family, and taking care of myself. I exhaust myself trying to survive while going no where. Remaining in the same spot just working my ass off to keep myself afloat. I've been handed a couple of floatation devices and also been thrown some waves. I've bobbed along in the pool of my life, persevering, surviving.

Treading water is hard ass work. Working your ass off to go nowhere is frustrating and defeating. And I'm just about sick and tired of treading water.

I'm ready to swim. I'm ready to go forward, to go anywhere. This girl is doing the breast stroke. The breast stroke is my best stroke. I swim strong doing the breast stroke, I get places and I do so with strength and skill. I move forward.

So I've made the decision to move forward. To start swimming. To make the decisions and choices that align with swimming, with moving. My thoughts and my words are going to support moving forward. I am no longer just going to survive, I am going to start moving on the path that GOD has lite up for me.

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Lets move our mountains

We all have our "mountains" as Joel Olsteen says. I think its Joel Olsteen? Regardless we all have mountains that have affected us. Mine happens to be fear. Other favorites are shame, anger, guilt, pride, ego etc.

A wise friend told me that her grandmother always said when something shows up in your life twice you need to pay attention. I have had the idea of "mountains' show up in my life a few times lately. I have been listening, letting that swim around in my head for awhile. I had the visual of fear sitting on my shoulders weighing me down. Preventing me from moving forward. God and I have had several talks about this concept, but still the ideas were not completely coming together. I was missing one piece.

At a seminar last week a dear friend brought me to, I got the last piece of the puzzle. The speaker talked about how we when we are stressed we need to get back to our "authentic place." BINGO- that is what I was missing, the actual word for what I had in my head but not in my mouth.

Our mountains prevent us from being in our authentic place. Our authentic self. We can become stuck, paralyzed, weighed down and smothered by our mountains. Some people can see what is happening early and quickly move their mountain to get back to their authentic self. Others can't be still long enough to take care of their soul in order to move their mountains. It amazes me how we spend so much time and money to take care of our body, but rarely do people take care of their soul. When we don't take care of our souls our mountains take over.

When the mountains take over ( fear, shame, guilt, ego, pride, anger etc) that is where our decisions come from. That is our leader. They become the captain of our lives, families, jobs, and souls. We are no longer parenting our children, our mountains are. We are no longer guiding our employees, our mountains are. The beautiful and amazing gifts GOD has blessed us with are buried and not being used. GOD blessed me with these children to raise. He blessed ME, my authentic self, not my mountains. I want to parent out of the love and wisdom GOD blessed me with. I want my funny and sarcastic side to come out, I don't want that buried under being overwhelmed and angry.

When we are living from our authentic self we are giving the world our best. We are Living. We are not only existing in this world but we are Living.